Writer's thought

"I write what I think.
But, sometimes our feelings is difficult
to be disclosed with words".

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Friday, March 26, 2010

.......blurr.......

Have you ever come to a point where everything seems so wrong, and everyone is against you, and no one really listens to you, and all you want to do is break down and cry your heart out, but the tears just wouldn’t fall?

And have you ever hated someone so much, but you couldn’t really do anything about it, because deep inside, someone that you hate is actually someone you really care about?

I never cease to amaze myself. How did I survive 20 years on this Earth , it is a mystery.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Blurted…

I’m at the turning point in my life. Whether it is for better or worse, I don’t know. At this point, all I can think about is looking forward and live on with my life, and along the way, find myself and be better.

Ever had that feeling when, in whatever you do, it just doesn’t feel right or turned out right? Not only it effects you, but it effects others who are close to you. Action speaks louder than words. But sometimes words can find a different meaning and hurt a lot more. Words that people say are sometimes spoken without thinking, maybe because they are usually the spontaneous type. Or maybe they were rushing into conclusions. Whatever it is, it hurts.

Not to say that they are bad persons. They are liked, cared and loved by their friends. But their choices of words at the spur of the moment can sometimes be really bad, or misinterpreted by others.

Same thing happened to me. I have said many things that are blurted out without thinking. At times, the words I said are already at the edge of my tongue and when I want to say it, it just slipped…without giving it a thought.

It’s nothing bad. I don’t say bad words to people. I hardly utter any of those bad words to people or best friends. The word I’m talking about here are those that are misinterpreted. I say one thing, that can have a meaning for another. I should have said direct words like a rock is a rock, instead of a rock is a slab of stone.

My best friend got my message differently, which is obviously my mistake because I wasn’t direct with her. And for that, she wouldn’t pick up my calls and ignored me. Following that, perhaps my action played some sort of a role in making her THAT angry, and got me feeling extremely miserable after that. Whatever it is, I’m sorry. I should have been more direct, especially with you. Being honest with you means also being true to myself. I know that. And I’ll always be your Will…

I am also seeking to mend some missing pieces in my life. I realised that I am missing “me”. I am not the same as I used to be. I don’t know how exactly, but my earlier words stated that it is either for better or for worse. I need some time to search and research myself again. I am missing someone so bad right now. I guess that feeling is starting to sink in. But what is done, is done…

Footnote: A message to my other best friend, hang in there and be strong. I know you can get through this. Things be get better for you, InsyaAllah. You know we will always be there for you, I know I will…from now on.

Monday, March 22, 2010

1st tagged...

I've been tagged for the first time.It's come from ~Jaa Sweet~. So,here the 10 questions from her..

1) Who yourself at home?
  • spoiled children
2) Who yourself besides a friend?
  • I'm a good listener but not a problem solver
3) 5 things that you aspire but have not achieved yet.
  • a Maison on top of a hill
  • a jumbo jet like Sultan Brunei
  • to be a millionaire like Bill Gates
  • my own resort on an island
  • successful in the world and the hereafter
4) who is your spouse's name?
  • Iris Salju
5) 5 things you like most about your partner.
  • sporting
  • not choosy
  • concern
  • friendly
  • of course cute, hot & sexy....hahaha
6) The date when you couple?
  • March 17
7) The bitter memories with your partner.
  • not having any bitter memories yet
8) The theme song of your love.
  • Lucky by Jason Mraz
I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

9) What changes you want to see from your partner?
  • do not want any changes, just maintain herself
10) Tag 10 of your other friends.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

my favorite childhood cartoon...


I watched Tom And Jerry this morning. They’re so cute. I still remember when I was small, my mom would buy me Tom & Jerry’s comic and vcd, and I was so fascinated watching their adventures, the quarrels and the squabbles.

A cartoon that is so well known, I doubt there would be one in the world never watch this cartoon before except to the areas where TV is not common.

In real life, I always wonder would 2 friends or brothers will be fighting like this cartoon couple?

Friday, March 19, 2010

free day...

tomorrow will be a free day for me, without any programme nor club activity!! but the thing is i feel bad for myself...gosh!! ive been failing to keep pace with the studies here..well cant really blame other than myself..my friends did ask me to study together but...i dont really feel like joining..but i did join sometimes..anyways tomorrow altho its my FREE DAY but i still have to go to Kuantan at noon for a program with KPTM then need to be in UMP by 8pm for MPM meeting..i really hope that i will get to catch-up with studies..may ALLAH help me..insyaALLAH..

My love story...

I am very surprised that I will post my feelings on this blog. Funny, but yes because I've promise to someone to post a story about it. Jaa, I've fulfilled my promise okay.

Let's scroll down a little bit. If you are feeling like to vomiting, do not hesitate to close this blog okay...!!!

So,here the story. ...*ngeh3*

I am falling in love with my best friend. We have been friends since we were 18 and we are 21 now. We have never been intimate until about a few weeks ago. We've always said that when we are 25 we will get married if we are both single.

Well, now I am wanting her sooner than that. It's really driving me crazy inside because I've never thought I'd feel this away about her. I've asked so many people what they think I should do and I get all kinds of different answers so now I'm more confused than I was in the beginning. The best advice I got was from my mom. I know that's kinda cheezy but my mom gives good advice. She says to just follow my heart and not listen to what everyone else is telling me. If it feels right, do it. If it doesn't maybe you should hold back for a little while until the timing feels better. I am going to try to tell my friend over the weekend how I feel but I'm going to wait until I see how things feel when I see her.

So, I talked to my friend this weekend. She actually brought it up. She feels the same way as I do. We are both really scared going into this because of how strong our friendship is. She said that i am the only thing she has ever been successful with and she doesn't want to screw that up now. She lives in a different city than I do and our university is also differ. I'm in Kuantan and she was in Tanjung Malim. We just contacted through telephone and yahoo messenger.

We are going to take it slow in the beginning and just see how it feels before we dive to far into. That way we have a better chance of being able to go back to friends if we need to. I'm thinking we shouldn't do anything drastic yet. I'm going to give it a few months and see how it feels.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

1Malaysia... Achieveable??

Recently, our new Prime Minister announced this extravagant concept called ‘1Malaysia’ which basically means that all the races in Malaysia are united as one but seriously, I think the concept will not materialize if the mindset of the people continue to dwell on the past. More specifically, if Malaysians were to continue to dwell on the period between 1960s, the concept of 1Malaysia can just be thrown into the thrash can.

Now you ask why do i say such things? Well, it is simply the facts. May i quote the stand up comedian Mr. Russell Peters, “We are all racists”. Honestly, we are. The only difference is that we are racist on different levels/matters. Ironically, most Malaysians are friendly towards foreigners but are hostile towards their own countrymen (Oh, i forgot, if you’re a foreigner, they’re only friendly to ‘white people’). It’s just sad and not to mention stupid…

Just two weeks ago, my friend was warded in the hospital and what she saw was how racism was instilled into a young boy. Briefly, this was what happened:
  • 1) Chinese boy was in the room
  • 2) Malay boy was in the same room eating Rocky (you know, that chocolate biscuit thing)
  • 3) Malay boy offered the Chinese boy a stick of Rocky
  • 4) Chinese boy was about to take it when suddenly…
“Son! Don’t take that! It’s dirty!!!”
(Guess who?… … … … ) <- Chinese Boy’s Mother…
Logically, if it’s dirty, do you think the Malay Boy’s parents would allow their son to eat it…

I mean, come on! That’s just a little kid offering to share his goodies with another little kid, it’s not as if little kids know how to purposely plan to poison strangers. Nope, they don’t, that would be the knowledge that society as a whole instills in kids as they grow older. I think if the boy were to face similar scenarios, he’ll definitely grow up to be a well-groomed racist and he’s gonna subconsciously think that things offered by other races are dirty.

Anyway, the scenario above shows the root cause of racism which is PARENTAL TEACHING. Seriously, those of you who’re reading this post of mine, have you ever heard any racist remarks made by your parents? Have you yourself learned how to stereotype people based on their race?

As an EXAMPLE:
  • Malays = Laziness & Mat Rempits
  • Chinese = Gambler (that’s why you see so much ‘Hutang Ah Long’ cases) & Promiscuity & Gangsterism
  • Indians = Violence & Poverty
    Parents are supposed to teach their kids the good stuff, but most of the time, due to their own upbringing, they instead teach their kids to be racists. To all Malaysians out there, i plead with you to forget what your parents say about the other races and experience building relationships with them yourself. “Belum cuba, belum tahu.”

    And you know what? The crazy thing is, racism does not happen among the aboriginals. Seriously, you don’t see the Orang Asli of Peninsular Malaysia hating the Ibanese or Kadazans living in Sabah and Sarawak, and you sure don’t see them hating the Chinese or Indians or Malays. They just don’t!

    Most of us who are born from 1970s onwards should do away with racism. The older generation might be racist due to the fabled ‘Peristiwa Mei 13′. They’ve seen it happen with their own eyes and felt the horror/terror and whatever else. But we as the new generation, we have never had such incidents. We’ve never experienced physical beating for being a different race. We aren’t killed for being a different race. Nope, don’t see that happening. So why are we being so racist? I don’t know. Ask yourself. Is it because of your parent’s influence? Is it because someone out there have indirectly hurt you and you decided to label/stereotype his/her entire race as stupid? Is it because you watched too much TV? Is it because you heard stuff from your racist friends? The possibility is endless but always remember that ultimately, it is your choice in deciding whether to be a racist or not.

    Side Joke: I think, if the Internal Security Act(ISA) were to be used against people who are racist, all of us would end up at the Kamunting Camp.

    'STOP THE RACISM'

    Tuesday, March 16, 2010

    I'll never make you suffer again..

    Dear my beloved one…

    I have a feeling you knew this time would come. And I have to say that it's not you, it's all me.You and I have been through together and our relationship has been pretty good. Up until now. You never demanded exclusivity and I didn't imagine I'd need to go anywhere else for my presentation needs.Sadly, it has come to this.I've started to look around and I'm finding that there are many different between us.

    I don't want to be with you anymore because our relationship is going nowhere. I wanted to tell you so many times that our relationship was over,but just couldn't do it. I really do not want to hurt you but this is not going to work and it's better for us to part. Today I decided to get everything out in the open and finally make the break.

    I realize our relationship is not what it should be. We have been just existing for but not truly bonding with each other. Our relationship has been dead for a long time and I am just hurting you by trying to continue with something that just isn't there. I can't keep on "flogging a dead horse" and expecting something to come out of this relationship. It is just not going to happen and we both need to understand this.

    You know I used to try and juice up my presentation while I was thinking through my message. But now I know that it is far better to separate. You may have noticed that when we spend less time together, I'm off writing in a plain text editor. Massaging my thoughts before I use your presentation capabilities.

    We need to redefine our relationship. I still love you but I need more than this. I have to go elsewhere for those things that you don't do as well.

    I've been thinking about this long and hard and I've come to the conclusion that we should go our separate ways. I've been in the place you're in right now, and it was an emotional hell I never want to repeat.an emotional hell I would never wish onto any one, especially the ones that I love. I was in so much agony, I wanted to walk away from the relationship and tried on several occasions.

    I was unhappy because it meant me being deprived of what I needed, and me not being myself. The same thing happened when you gave me what I needed. If our needs weren't so diametrically opposed and immensely important, it wouldn't have been a big threat to our relationship and our individual happiness. I see the same thing with us right now. If I give a little to compromise, I loose a lot of happiness and sanity. If you give a little for compromise you loose a lot of happiness and sanity.

    I love you very much and I want you to be happy. I was so glad (in the long run) that I was cut loose. I now have the freedom to find someone that I don't have to change in order to get my most important emotional needs met. I think in a relationship, these are the most important needs to be met. I don't think our relationship should be this hard this soon. It is definitely bad timing.

    I wanted to tell you this in person, but I didn't know if it would come out right, or if it would make things even more painful. I would love to say good-bye to you,though. If not in person, at least over the phone.

    I love you. I wish we only fell in love with the people we're compatible with. It seems to be my curse. Tell me if you want me to stop by or call you. Love always and forever....T_T

    ...(^_~)...(@_<)...
    We still can be friend right???

    Letter of response :

    Salam…

    Sy dh bace msg yg awk bg kt sy semalam…
    Firstly, sy nk mntk maaf sbb buat awk byk berfikir pasal ni, pasal soalan yg awk tanye kt sy yg sampai skarang ni sy tak jawab (even dh expired)…dan yg penting skali sbb buat awk rase semua ni dan duduk dalam situasi ni…sy tahu sejak akhir-akhir ni hubungan kite makin renggang…maybe salah sy… maybe sy yg tak berani nak bagi komitmen yg lebih dalam hubungan kite… sebelum ni pon sy byk fikir pasal semua ni…tp saye tak tahu nak buat macam mane…sy memang lembab skit ngan bende-bende ni sume sampai la saye bace msg awk…dan saye rase itulah keputusannye…dalam hal ni saye tak boleh pentingkan diri sendiri…sy rase keputusan yg awk buat tu terbaik untuk kite…sy tahu susah bagi awk untuk buat keputusan tu dan susah jugak untuk saye terima…tp itu adalah lebih baik daripada kite terus macam ni…saye harap lepas ni awk tak payah lagi pening kepala nak fikir pasal bende ni semua…saye tahu macam mane awk rase dan saye tak nak awk rase semua tu…harap lepas ni awk dapat keluar dari semua ni...

    trime kasih sbb selame kite kenal awk layan saye dengan baik…sy hargai ape yg awk pernah buat untuk saye…awk terlalu baik untuk saye…maybe awk boleh cari org yg lebih baik dari saye…org yg takkan kecewakan awk…

    sorry 4 everything & thanks 4 everything

    Monday, March 15, 2010

    girl = problems...

    I shouldn't have done it,should have ignored it.Like it wouldn't be seen,like it couldn't be seen.I don't think I should have seen you.

    Should have ran away,should have pretended not to hear it.Like it wouldn't be heard,like it couldn't be heard.I shouldn't have listen to your love.

    Without a word,you made me know love.Without a word,you gave me your love.Made me fill myself with your every breath,then you ran away.

    Without a word,love left me.Without a word,love tossed me aside.Not knowing what to say,my lips must have been surprised because you came without a word....(*_~)

    Thursday, March 11, 2010

    Become a Leader...

    Many leaders have certain traits and perform certain tasks that allow them to be respected by other individuals. If you would like to become a respected leader, then you need to be knowledgeable about what it takes to be a good leader. Keep the following in mind in order to become a successful leader.

    1.Know your strengths: In order to be a good leader, you need to know your strengths. Knowing your character strengths enables you to select environments that allow you to express and develop them.

    2.Gain experience: You may encompass all the attributes that a good leader should have, but if you do not have experience in the area in which you would like to become a leader, then you will not be viewed as a knowledgeable leader among others. If you want to become the CEO of a company, you'll have to start at the bottom and gain experience. This holds true for practically every leadership position at your school,college and university level.

    3.Work well with people: In order to be a good leader, you need to be able to work well with other people. Good leaders exude superior interpersonal skills. You should be able to listen to others, communicate well, establish trust, ask questions to stimulate thinking, and develop a sense of teamwork. To demonstrate your interpersonal skills, you should go around and meet new people. Talk with them about current issues and listen to what they have to say. This will help you establish a sense of trust among your peers.

    4.Be optimistic: Leaders must be optimistic. When faced with a setback, optimists don't give in to feelings of helplessness. They maintain their focus. In whatever area of interest you have, always remain optimistic in any situation that comes your way. This will show other individuals that you can be counted on in times of need.

    5.Be willing to take action: Leaders create a vision, set goals that embody that vision, and develop plans that lead to their goals. Don't just talk about what you want to do once you have a leadership position ; take action to get it accomplished.

    6.Enthusiasm: Leaders are usually seen as active, expressive and energetic. They are often very optimistic and open to change.

    7.Conscientiousness: Leaders are often dominated by a sense of duty and tend to be exacting in character. They have a high standard of excellence and an inward desire to do their best. They also have a need for order and tend to be very self-disciplined.

    8.Self-assurance: Self-confidence and resiliency are common traits among leaders.

    9.Toughmindedness: Good leaders are practical, logical and to-the-point. They tend to be low in sentimental attachments, comfortable with criticism and are very poised.

    These are some of the basic traits a leader must possess, and it depends on how you cultivate these traits within yourself.

    Student leadership is important to have because within the schools,colleges or universities, there are hundreds to thousands of students who come from different backgrounds and have different beliefs and values. Students need leaders who they can identify with and count on. When considering a leadership role, make sure you are equipped to handle whatever comes your way.

    It have been a month already I holds the presidency of the club. Alhamdulillah, everything went smoothly. Thanks to all who cooperate since I became president. I'm really appreciate that.

    Syed Mokhtar Al-Bukhary...


    Today i am going to post about Tan Sri Syed Mokhtar Shah bin Syed Nor Al-Bukhary. It's not that i dream being a billionaire last night, but it just that i am really inspired by his successful story i had read about him. Being such a humble man with such position, such name, and of course being a good Muslims for the sake of every one in the community.

    From the list richest man in Malaysia it does show us that out of 10 person, only one Bumiputera (Malay)listed which is Syed Mokhtar. But it does not meant we're out of rich Bumiputera (Malay) around. I bet you that tons of individual out there who qualified to be nominated as millionaires. They should learn from Syed Mokhtar not only his idea in business but his idea and commitment to power up Bumiputera position in the community of Malaysia and world generally.

    In a nutshell, everybody have an equal chance to be successful. Nothing can stop us from being successful unless it is you. We should follow what Tan Sri Syed Mokhtar Al-Bukhary did in order to gain a wealth for now and here after.

    Friday, March 5, 2010

    Thanks for all the Birthday Wishes..

    I’ve received so many facebook, twitter, and email birthday messages that I decided to just give everyone a big thank you on here, so THANK YOU!

    Who could believe I’m already 21?!?

    The years pass more quickly now. Each year brings its own surprise. Twists and turns continue. But our faithful God continues to lavish his grace and loving-kindness… with purpose, direction and friends.

    I’ve been relaxing a bit for the past few days but time to get back to work, thanks again for all the birthday wishes everyone!

    Wednesday, March 3, 2010

    Don't listen to your heart...


    Just to clarify, I know that hearts do not produce sounds like that (more like LUB DUB - that was what I learned in Biology in F4-F5). The comic was meant to be funny (and it was funny to me) but from that comic, I can say I get another message, that is if you follow just your heart, you will end up doing stupid things. And why is that?

    Since the heart plays a really big role in determining ones behavior, it has become the main target of the evil forces in order to corrupt people and to recruit more of their followers. Even in the Malay culture, we have a saying "Ikut Hati Mati, Ikut Rasa Binasa" since without a proper guidance, both of the heart and the instinct will always mislead people.

    And what is worse is that those people will think that they are indeed the righteous one and they are doing no wrong. How many times we have seen in this world that criminals, when they get caught, they did not show any remorse of their wrongdoings? They think whatever they did was justified.

    In short, to make the point of this entry clear, before we make any decisions, we should refer to the Quran and the Sunnah of the Prophet and see whether what we are about to do is right. Do not just rely on logic alone since the mind has limitations and the heart is prone to follow the wrong path had it not being guided with the Quran and the Sunnah. Keep asking for His guidance in our daily life since if we are to decide anything on our own without His guidance, then definitely the decision will be made with the help of the devil.

    Hope that in everything that we do, we are being guided by Him and not by the devil.

    Monday, March 1, 2010

    I'AM HAPPY TO COMING BACK...

    Refreshing previous event that I’ve done is good. But not all the part needs to be remember or even repeating it in my current life.

    I’ve stop wrote and coloring this page for so long. Even I my self have stop viewing my own blog as I felt is just a waste of time + I been busy rebuild back my life as it goes messy back end previously.

    But I realized by writing we’re able to cascade our experience as it can be a reminder and alert for other, even every each of people has their own destiny but similarity cases can’t be avoid and deny.

    Therefore, let’s have fun with life…. Work Smart… Enjoy…. Learn... improving… love your family and respect your frenz….

    what is happen to me??

    Every Single day i went out for a sake of fun...

    Every single human in this planet seek for a little joy n fun in their life..
    but not all are lucky...

    >clubbing...
    >shopping...
    >meet new people...
    >hang out...
    >chatting...
    >facebooking..
    >n more on the list of urban life...

    My life is actually full of joy... that was a few month ago.. now, all is getting slower.. which is good for certain part of my life.. another few part of it tak lah best sgt... i mis all the joy i had with mama n papa actually..

    Tq to my beloved mama.. which i trust the most will be the best person for people out there to makes frenz with..

    i am totally glad its happen 2 me so than I'll be a better person in up coming days..